The Evil That is Pollen
April 12, 2010 in Writing by Michael
Science has all sorts of explanations for stuff. Like electricity. Gravity. American Idol. And spring allergies.
A scientist wearing a lab coat will tell you that spring allergies are usually triggered by tiny grains of pollen filling the air, trying to fertilize other plants. All of that is well and good. Plants are nice. But when those pollen grains get up your nose, well… that’s when you’re in trouble.
Your immune system, which is like your own personal Department of Homeland Defense, thinks the pollen is some terrible invader, and sends out its armies of antibodies. When the antibodies attack the pollen, the battle releases nasty chemicals called histamines. And the histamines are what cause the running nose, sneezing, wheezing, coughing, and itchy eyes.
There’s plenty you can do to help yourself. WebMD has guides here and here that are pretty good survival tools.
By the way, that illustration at the top of this post is in no way to be considered accurate or scientific. It just represents the way I feel these days!
Your name is Linda. You are Bad Driver #87. This is your life:
Prepare yourself. 
1) In 1998, Burger King took out a full page ad in USA Today to announce their new “Left-Handed Whopper.” The new burger was the same as the regular Whopper, but all of the condiments were rotated for the convenience of left handed customers. Thousands fell for it, trying to order the Left-Handed Whopper, while others insisted on the right-handed version.
2 ) In 1992, listeners to National Public Radio’s Talk of the Nation were stunned to hear Richard Nixon announcing he would run for President again. The show was overwhelmed with calls from angry and shocked listeners. Only in the second half of the show was the hoax revealed.
3) In 1976, British astronomer Patrick Moore told listeners of BBC Radio 2 that the alignment of Pluto with Jupiter at 9:47am would temporarily counter-act gravity. He said if a person jumped into the air at precisely that moment, they would feel the sensation of floating. Hundreds of callers told the BBC they had felt the sensation.
1) An April 1st, 1985 Sports Illustrated article by George Plimpton profiled pitcher Sidd Finch, who could throw a fastball accurately for a strike at 168 mph! The story said the New York Mets prospect had learned to pitch in a Buddhist monastery. The first letter of each word in the sub headline spelled out the words “Happy April Fool Day – ah fib.” Two weeks later, the magazine revealed the joke.
2) Taco Bell accounts in a 1996 full-page ad in The New York Times that they had bought the Liberty Bell from the U.S. Government. According to the ad, the artifact had been renamed the Taco Liberty Bell. The fast food company said it had made the deal to help reduce the government debt.
3) In 1965, hundreds of British television viewers were delighted by the BBC’s test of sending smells over the airwaves. Many called the BBC to report the test had succeed. Not content to rest of it’s laurels, the Beeb repeated the joke on its website in 2007.
Okay, so I love gadgets. And Apple is King of cool gadgets. But, Apple’s toys don’t get along with me. It’s my fault. My fat fingers have very bad aim. I can’t ever seem to pinpoint the URL I’m trying to follow, and forget about text messages. On an iPhone, I write like I would sound with a mouth full of gravel.
Your choice appears as a grey circle in the center of your screen. Clicking it opens up your choices. You can delete your choice, lock its position on the screen, get a list of that musician’s releases or expand. Expanding creates a web of performers with a similar sound to the original. 
